Office Bathroom Part 2: In the Bathroom

Welcome to Part II: Inside the Bathroom. I hope the title doesn’t get your hopes up, or the fact that it’s been about a week since Part I came out. And, as a warning, or lack of warning for that matter, I’m not going to get all disgusting because that wouldn’t be in my best interests. But here I go. I left you with my constant urges to use the facilities because of my inordinate water intake….

The bathroom is like a mini-society. It has its rules and regulations–but they are implicit…and if you disobey them the worst thing that’ll happen is public humiliation and a possible caning.

I’ve seen the women’s bathroom, but only from a distance. All I can make out is a carpet, and I’m not sure, but there might a couch. The men’s room doesn’t have carpet…we have floor. And we don’t have a couch…we have urinals. I realize that women need some comfort when they are in the bathroom, but three massage chairs and a violinist is just excessive.

So I can’t speak anymore about the women’s room. But in a public men’s room, there’s generally no acknowledgment of other life forms. It’s all about tunnel vision. But the question becomes, in an office setting, do the rules change.

Let me set the stage: our bathroom has two urinals and two stalls. Two scenarios…in the first scenario two co-workers simultaneously enter the bathroom, and both have to urinate. Do they both use the urinals, or does one go for the open toilet in order to avoid the “closeness”? Second scenario…one employee is using a urinal, and another one walks in…does the second one use the other urinal or head for the stall?

The problem is, the rules are very unclear. Nobody really knows the rules, and because of that, awkwardness is sure to ensue. Because if one person uses the other urinal, the other person might be thinking: “What, you couldn’t use the stall and give me some room you perv?” But if one person heads for the stall, the other individual may think: “What, do I have cooties or something that you can’t go next to me, weirdo?”

When two people are using the stalls there is the wall of separation. But what happens when two co-workers go into the stalls at the same time? Is there any talking? The same thing applies to the urinal situation. Generally, the golden rule of guy’s bathroom’s is no talking. But what if you started talking on your way into the bathroom…do you abruptly end the conversation?

But if someone you know walks into the bathroom, do you even acknowledge him with a “hello sir,” or a head nod, or a g’day, or is there no acknowledgment at all?

Conversations aside, when you’re in the stall, and someone is in an adjacent stall, it can get loud, to say the least. Is it imperative upon both parties to remain as quiet as possible? Or does it not matter? (Hey, it’s the guy’s room, after all). But, no matter what gender you are, loudness can be embarrassing…But, no matter what, if matters do get a little out of hand, it is incumbent upon both parties to pretend like nothing happened. Nothing happened.

As a side note, I would love to take a poll counting those who line public toilets with toilet paper and those who leave it bare. I personally fall into the former category. In fact, I’ve triple layered on occasion. Public toilets are gross. Even if toilet paper does absolutely nothing, as I’ve been told by a med student (not Leslie, she thinks it’s gross too), it still makes me feel better. And when you’re in the bathroom, perception is all that matters. Until you get herpes.

I have no answers here, just questions. Nobody has the answers. It’s a lose-lose situation you see…it’s a game of politics and tact. The bathroom represents the heart and soul of who we are as people, as humans…and to try to understand the bathroom is to try to understand oneself.

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