Time for my three random topics of the day: crayons, Starship Troopers, and morning news shows.
The first two topics were very, very briefly discussed at our goodbye happy hour for our coworker Matt last Thursday. I’m not gonna lie, I started the very brief conversations for both of these subjects, because they are two topics very near and dear to my heart.
For some reason we were talking about art. I like art. I used to enjoy drawing, at least–in fact, in Fourth Grade I won a highly competitive national art competition for the best drawing of Paul Bunyan and his pet ox. My ox was legendary.
But I never really cared for crayons. Almost every kid in the world loved crayons back in the day, and Crayola had a dizzying number of colors that could cause any boy or girl to pass out from sheer happiness. But crayons are so coarse. A crayon-induced drawing is bound to be bumpy and hideous. No matter what, you’re gonna miss a spot. You’ll miss many a spot. Because crayons are inefficient and mean. If you want a solid, smooth, relaxing and national Paul Bunyan contest-winning piece of art, pick up a marker. You’ll thank me.
Which brings me to Starship Troopers. Co-worker Matt was moving to Argentina. So naturally, I brought up the movie. For those of you unfamiliar with the sensationally epic tour de force, giant alien bugs engage in an intergalactic battle with earth and an actor who looks like Jean-Claude Van Damme along with trusty friend Doogie Howser have to save the day.
For some reason that humanity will never understand, all the main characters came from Buenos Aires, Argentina. And an asteroid from the alien bug planet destroys…Buenos Aires!, sparking the intergalactic war. I mean, I’m sure it’s a fine city. It’s highly populated. It has a rich culture, and was home to Evita and numerous friendly military coups. But I can’t recall any major action movie centered on Buenos Aires, let alone one where the hope’s of the planet are at stake. It was quite sad to see the city get destroyed like that…but, why? Why must we bring Buenos Aires into this? Keep in mind this was all based on the science fiction book, but still…Buenos Aires?
Before I move on I want to make two additional comments about Starship Troopers. All the alien bugs were stupid, which makes sense I guess, because they’re bugs. But there’s one brilliant bug who leads the alien war effort and regulates the planet’s futures and commodities financial market. And the smart alien bug has a giant brain! Naturally, he was called the Brain Bug. I don’t have much else to say about this because the ridiculousness of the situation speaks for itself. I just thought it earned a place in the blog. Also, I would like to say, for a movie that seemed geared toward a younger audience, this movie had a surprisingly significant amount of nudity. I’m just putting that out there.
The last order of business for the day is morning news shows. Thankfully this was not a topic of conversation at the happy hour, because a happy hour that consisted of crayons, Starship Troopers and morning news show conversations would be the saddest happy hour of all time. A better title would be the “Lame Hour.” Or, the “Happy Lame.”
Anywho, I watch channel 11 news every morning while I’m getting ready for work because my roommate Josh thinks it has the “most news.” Insanely enough, he’s right…I checked. And it has a minimal, minimal amount of news. I don’t understand why these shows are so averse to just having news. Is it because we can’t handle such intensity when our fragile brains awake in the morning? President Bush signs document!!! Dalai Lama punches Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao in the face!!!! Buenos Aires destroyed!! Wake up! Neeeeews!!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I hate to think in the morning as much as the next guy. But that doesn’t mean I want to spend the morning learning about the most successful products for face moisturizing. I also don’t care how to make a collage out of toothpicks and sweet potatoes to celebrate Labor Day in the most mirthful fashion possible. Furthermore, there are only so many characters on Gossip Girls to interview.
It must be difficult to be a morning show news anchor, though. How can anyone be that happy at 7:30 in the morning? I don’t care how early they went to sleep the night before. I don’t care that their work days are over at 9:30 AM; there should be no laughter or smiling at 7:30. Only frowning. And punching.
I hope this blog cleared some things up, or at least further explained the inner-workings of my mind. Oh, by the way. The Mets won game one today. Awesome. Hooray baseball.
I spent the first part of this blog thinking that your reference was to “Super Troopers.” ….. confusion reigned….. Then I realized that I am the true stereotype of a “girl” and failed to see “Starship Troopers.”
Next time… please comment on such classics as “Mean Girls,” “You’ve Got Mail,” or “A League of their own” so that I can relate.
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