The Best Reality TV Show in the World…Ever

So my girlfriend Leslie has awful taste in television. Case in point. Last night we were watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. And I didn’t buy Leslie’s argument that it helped her future career as a doctor to watch this. Essentially, we get to watch “celebrities,” if you can still call them that, freak out because they are trying to get off the millions of drugs they used to be on. That’s it. So, dismissing the “doctor” argument, I’m going to have to conclude that my girlfriend is a sadist. The central theme of last night’s show was that teen heart throb Jeff Conaway was shaking, throwing up, yelling at people, and all that good stuff. Who is Jeff Conaway anyway you may ask? Well, here’s your answer:

Last night:

Josh: “Who is Jeff Conaway anyway?”

Leslie: “He was in Grease and Taxi, I think.”

Josh: “Oh.”

In other words, it’s even false advertising to call the show Celebrity Rehab. Daniel Baldwin’s on the show too, although I didn’t even know there was a Daniel Baldwin. But that’s not the point. The point is, I hate reality television. The fact that I can’t bring myself to tolerate The Girl’s Next Door (Leslie’s other all time favorite show) speaks for itself. I mean, it’s a few steps below soft core porn, but still, it is really that bad. And it’s been on for at least 15 grueling seasons by now. As cool as it seems to watch the life of Hugh Hefner, we’re really just watching three pathetic girls who base their lives on being Hugh Hefner’s second or third girlfriend for the time being. I can’t wait for the day when Hugh Hefner walks by the girls and is like: “Wait, you’re still here?” Half of every episode is spent deciding what they should wear to Hugh’s party that week (and there’s is a party every week). “Should I wear no clothes, or should I wear this hat too?”

Nevertheless, Hugh Hefner is awesome. But his show still sucks.

Certainly none of this is new. My co-worker/supermodel Matt Bald wrote a reality TV blog entry the other day, although he focused on one of the finer-tuned reality TV shows in American Gladiators. Humanity has been bashing reality TV since irritating people were tossed into the fire or whatever it was they did to losers during Survivor Tribal Councils. I’m sure Big Brother must have sparked hours upon hours of vivacious blogging debate. Did we even have blogs back then? Did we even have computers?

But it all comes back to our love-hate relationship with celebrities, and how they only exist so they can express all of our faults, but on a pedestal, whereby we can laugh at them for expressing said faults. They’re just less embarrassed to do it in front of an audience, which, I suppose, is kind of admirable…in a way…I guess.

But not all reality TV is bad. In fact, some reality TV may be considered the finest model of television ingenuity I have ever witnessed. These are the shows that take people out of the picture, because people are on the whole, quite annoying. People know they’re being watched, and they perform to the best of their abilities, making it no longer reality TV, but horrible acting TV. These are the shows that shed all the faults of the human race, and spotlight what is great about the world, in all of its glorious “reality.” I am talking, of course, about the reality TV art form that is the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. For those of you not familiar with the Puppy Bowl, I regret to inform you that you have not yet lived. Occurring every year during the Super Bowl (stay tuned for the findingDulcinea Super Bowl guide, by the way), Animal Planet throws a bunch of adorable puppies into a tiny football field, and watches them engage in funny antics for about 10 hours or so. You can watch a golden retriever puppy kick the water in his bowl because he is confused why there is a camera in it (there are amazing camera angles, I may add). You can even see a bunch of bigger puppies picking on a smaller one! Adorable!

The Puppy Bowl makes an outstanding half time alternative to the Super Bowl half time show, which I believe features new teen sensation Paula Abdul this year. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will also be headlining; but as much as I enjoy the music of Mr. Petty, he simply can’t compete with a German Shepherd puppy chewing on a porcupine dog toy. Sometimes, a puppy might just take a nap. And you won’t care! I have one caveat: if you do, indeed, want to watch the second half of the Super Bowl, you may need some sort of alarm clock. The Puppy Bowl can be quite mesmerizing–you may not realize that you just spent two hours watching puppies do nothing. But if you don’t have anything else to do, or if you dislike the Super Bowl, that’s two hours well spent.

In conclusion, just about every reality TV show in existence=bad. Puppy Bowl=good.

By the way, as I was writing this, I think I first typed “Pubby Bowl” every time I tried to write Puppy Bowl. Even when I was actively trying not too. Try it. It will blow your mind.